It’s Friday, and the Clinic has come to an end. I’m still not sure how it went, not really, but I need to put down some thoughts and see how it all shakes out. In case you couldn’t tell, I was discouraged last night, and I was struggling with unfulfilled expectations. What hadn’t happened is clearer than what had, and I had only one thing left to hold on to: The results of yesterday’s (Thursday’s) blood tests, that we’d be viewing today.
Paul and I had an interesting talk on the ride to the hotel this morning though, because we’re both withholding judgment on the upcoming day’s numbers. Truthfully, we don’t know what to expect. Things haven’t really gone the way we’ve hoped, and we each need answers. This morning, as I made my way to the car, I had to admit that I’m now walking just as bad as on that first morning we’d made our way to the dentists’ office. Asking Paul’s favorite question, we both wanted to know ‘Why?’
No matter our questions, we focused on the things we did know: We have the first set of numbers from the blood draw from last week. And since Dr. Huggins says the numbers never lie, today we were about to see the second set of those unable to be deceitful digits. As we traveled, I told Paul I had four theories about the puzzle pieces we’re now holding. 1) I’m detoxifying the mercury in my system too fast and it’s made me sick. (Possible.) 2) The antibiotics I’ve had to take are responsible for my downturn. (Even more possible, since I started walking better two days after the revision, and then went backward when I got the infection and then began the antibiotics.) 3) I’m detoxifying too fast and the antibiotics have made me sick. (A combination of possibles.) And 4) The answer Dr. Huggins gives about all this. (On that front, I don’t have a clue.) Knowing he’d warned us during the first consult about patients who sabotaged their own healing because they didn’t really want to get well or because they liked their dependent lifesyle, I knew for sure that wasn’t me. I hate being singled out or being a burden when you have to treat me differently because I have MS. And I didn’t want anybody to tell me I didn’t want to see any improvements, or that this downturn had been my fault. So it was with trepidation that I faced this second consult that comes after all the classes were over. I’d learned to trust this man because he backed up his statements with forty years of facts and experience. Would I get my back up with this dentist like I had with that neurologist six years ago? I didn’t think so, but I had no idea what he would he tell us.
The simple answer is: He’d tell us good news. Hearing that, I also had a question I had to ask in return. In my heart I have made the antibiotic the bad guy in this picture, and this question was simple. Can I stop taking the stupid stuff, since the soreness in my mouth had gone away by the second day? Then, armed with the knowledge that almost all the numbers we wanted to see move had, and that most were going in the right direction, the answer was affirmative. Yes, I could stop taking it. Even better, Dr. Huggins was truly pleased with my numbers, and said he believed these numbers profiled a woman who had every chance of getting well! Thank you, Lord.
I can’t go much further right now, because it’s 9:35 PM Texas time, and I have a new supplement to try, to help me get to sleep naturally. There’s one last note to add though, and it’s a happy one. I haven’t had an antibiotic since 6:30 this morning. After finishing up the laundry about fifteen minutes ago, I walked into the bedroom to put the clothes away. And guess what? I walked into the bedroom easily. No stumbling, no reaching out for the wall for balance, and no using a cane. Am I ready for this kind of change?
Trust me, there’s no saboteur in sight!