I can’t believe it’s been six days since I last wrote! You might well ask: Where has the time gone? For me, most of it went to sleep! I’ve been sleeping an average of ten hours a night for a week, and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight, because I still wake up tired, and need a nap every afternoon. I guess I’m making up for more than a week’s, or a year’s, or several years’ lost sleep, and I’m often in a daze. It’s equally wonderful and frustrating to sleep so much, because some days are crystal clear while others drag by, accumulating weight as they go. I wonder if this is normal, or is this just normal for me? I know everyone’s healings come at a different speed, so I questioned one of my Clinic-mates via email: How was she feeling? She reminded me that this is actually a ‘healing process’. It is wise to remember that it won’t be the same for anyone, and each of us will recover at different rates.
I needed to be reminded of the word ‘process,’ I guess. It helped balance my internal angst that day, and brought me back to an even keel: What will be will be, and I can’t hurry it along by wishful thinking. I’d like to say I was walking better all the time, but that wouldn’t be true, and it wouldn’t be right to fudge the point, either. I walk better on some days than on others, and that’s just a fact. I feel better on some days than on others too, and that’s also just a fact. So if I stick to “just the facts, m’am!”, the truth would be that we’re back to another set of ‘ups and downs’. Can I deal with that? I think I have to.
I’ve been struggling in some other ways over this past week too, but that is something else that won’t be resolved immediately. I need to develop a new way of eating, and what to eat with what. There are some foods I can’t have anymore at all (like pork and fish), and some food I still can’t eat because my teeth aren’t healed enough yet (like nuts and some meat like steak). I miss eating meat and potatoes together (which is a bad protein-starch combination), but could accept that if only I could have a good crunchy salad instead (which is bad for a mouth with missing teeth).
In the end, I’m back to waiting again. They say that time will heal all wounds, and so, probably, will sleep. I’m hoping a combination of those two items (time and sleep) will help move along the process of learning new things, as well.