Reminisce. My Webster’s says it means ‘to think, talk, or write about past events.’ And that’s what I’m doing here; I’m thinking, talking, or writing about events from the past year, and trying to put things into some kind of order. BAD or GOOD? GOOD or BAD? Sometimes it’s all one and the same, as there can be good in any bad thing, and bad in anything good. Today I specifically decided to focus on the BAD, in hopes of finding the silver lining to the black cloud I’ve been operating under lately.


Last time I wrote was the day after Christmas, and the sore throat I’d woken up with that morning was definitely ‘clouding’ my attitude. Since I’d been cold-free for a long, long time when I was taking colloidal silver, I didn’t want one now that I couldn’t take it any longer. So I got up in the night and began taking repeated doses of Vitamin A throughout the next few days, which kept me from a full-blown date (pun intended) with a box of kleenex. Instead, I discovered that though I wasn’t blowing my nose constantly, I was getting a killer headache. It involved both the upper and lower sinuses, and the pressure was constant. Oh, joy! Had I traded a possible cold for a possible sinus infection?


After searching around the house for some sinus medicine, what I found was two boxes of two different types of Sudafed (regular and non-drowsy) and a box of Benadryl (in case of emergencies for Joely) that had expiration dates from 2007 (and which meant I’d probably bought them in 2004). As I’ve said before, I don’t usually use anything but Motrin as a rule. But did you know that Sudafed is now a controlled substance? Paul went out to get some more that afternoon, but he had to show proof of identity before they’d allow him to purchase it! They even check a list, to see if you’ve purchased it recently–or purchased it too much recently! Luckily, I’d taken one of the old pills to tide me over until he got home, and even three years out of date, it still worked. It took away the headache, and improved my outlook because the headache finally went away.


So now, headache free, I turn my attention to the BAD things I’ve been dealing with daily. Taking things in threes, as I so often do, Number 1 would have to address how all my leg twitches have returned with a vengeance. Rumors of their demise were greatly exaggerated, and I am back to battling them every evening by constantly shifting positions in an attempt to relieve them. Number 2 would be the fact that I’m back to battling insomnia too. I’ve only had one nights in the last two weeks where I spent the whole night in bed. Otherwise, I’ve been up and writing for at least two hours every night. And Number 3 would have to be the walker again. I’ve had several afternoons when I’ve had to use it, and it discourages me every time I have to unpark it.


OK, so what can I find that’s GOOD about all that? Well, the leg twitches are impossibly annoying, and I haven’t found any way around them. On the other hand, since I’ve returned from Texas the insomnia has allowed me to write a lot more than I’d done before I went, and my book is going better than it has in two years. Has my thinking become clearer? It seems so, and an added bonus has been that recently my hand agility, and hence my typing, seems to be improving too. I still have some bad days, when those fingers don’t want to work at all, but for the most part things are getting better. That’s a silver lining. And as for unparking my walker? The GOOD news there is that I usually only use it in the afternoon when I’m tired, and not all day long anymore. So, slow improvements, but improvements nonetheless. I’ve even had a lot of days when I could get by with just a cane, and it was the end of last August since I’d done that.


So, do you see silver linings too? I’m happy to say that looking for the BAD has made me see the GOOD. Some days are worse than others, but that also means that some days are better than others, and I should focus on them. Which, in conclusion, begs the question: If slow and steady (improvements) win the race, am I willing to start the New Year off slowly?


My answer to that is yes, because in the end, I plan on winning this race.

russian and english translation