They say time flies when you’re having a good time, but that’s not entirely true: Time flies even if you’re not having a good time, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it! As you get older the rate of speed and the rate of enjoyment are not necessarily cojoined, and sometimes you merely have to hold on. And since I’ve been feeling older these last few weeks, trying to catch up seems to be a losing battle. It’s not anything so much as it’s everything, and I feel like I still haven’t caught up from the trip to Texas. I so badly wanted to find something changing for the better, but that hasn’t happened yet. Not even a glimpse. And low dose or not, being on an antibiotic on an on-going basis is wearing. It makes me tired and it makes me drag my feet, and neither of those things give me a sense of well-being. Even with the walker I’m struggling, and if I manage to keep up with the dishes and make a decent supper, I feel like I’ve had a REALLY good day. But as for going out in the evening? Well, our every other week trip out to Bible study, time that I truly love, nearly made me cry Thursday night. Trying to move after 5:00 or 6:00 PM seems utterly unmanageable these days; I’m exhausted, and it takes will power alone to get me out the door. Is anything ever going to get easier?


I think I’ve been dealing with one glimpse of the future in another way though, and maybe that’s been having an effect on me as well. In the last six months I’ve been watching my daughter start doing more and more things on her own or with her friends, and that has made me feel a bit ‘older’ too. I know she won’t stay my little girl forever, but time suddenly seems to be flying in this specific area. She’s begun going places and doing things that don’t involve her mom and dad, which is an essential part of growing up, but it’s a letting go process that I wasn’t expecting quite so soon. The pastor’s wife at our church is incredibly willing to drive Joely to places I can’t take her, and she also doesn’t seem to mind the extra five or so minutes it takes to add my single to her seven. What last year was only a Monday night riding lesson and a once every two weeks Bible study has now added a Tuesday afternoon puppet practice, a Thursday evening swimming lesson, and a Friday afternoon 4-H. And that’s not even counting Joelle’s once a month sleepovers at the pastor’s house or his daughter Naomi’s sleepover at ours. With a schedule like that time is flying for Joelle too, though a twelve-year-old doesn’t feel the speed the same way as I might. For her it’s all about waiting for the next event, the next excitement, and it always takes forever to get here.


Maybe that’s part of my problem tonight too: I’m waiting for the next ‘event’ or next ‘excitement’ in my healing to get here too, and it doesn’t seem fast enough. In this instance it seems like it’s taking forever, and I feel like a little child waiting for Christmas: What am I going to get? When is it going to get here? It’s selfish, I know, but human nature doesn’t change much, even though we age. So: What AM I going to get? And WHEN is it going to get here?


And, most important, why can’t time do some flying in this area too?

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